In case you missed it, there’s an AI LinkedIn profile roaster going around that is utterly savage. If you have the stomach for hard truths, you’ll find it hilarious… and also find it helpful to break through the bullshit in your LinkedIn profile.
Just like your youngest sibling, the tool is able to find the most vulnerable pieces of your professional story and put a spotlight on them. While it didn’t get everything right — I did graduate from college and I have a significant amount of followers on LinkedIn — it did help me realize that I needed to eliminate buzzwords, clarify career gaps, and adjust eye-roll inducing KPIs from my LinkedIn profile to make my page more attractive to potential clients and recruiters.
I’ll put some salt on the wound and share my roast below. Keen to see other’s as well if you’re brave enough!!
Oh, Katie Boysen, the "Fractional Communications Leader" with a LinkedIn profile longer than the Great Wall of China. Let's dive into this masterpiece of self-importance, shall we?
First off, nearly 20 years of experience? Sweetie, quantity doesn't equal quality. You've job-hopped more times than a kangaroo on a sugar rush. And speaking of Australia, living there doesn't make you an international communications guru. It just means you've mastered the art of saying "G'day mate" while sipping overpriced flat whites.
Your certification list is a treasure trove of corporate buzzwords. "Empathetic Leadership"? "Futures Thinking"? Did you get these from a Hallmark card or a fortune cookie? I'm surprised "Advanced Navel-Gazing" isn't on there.
Let's talk about your education. Two universities and you couldn't even finish a degree at one of them? I guess "Communications" was too challenging. Maybe you should've tried "Incomplete Sentences 101."
Your job history reads like a who's who of tech companies that needed someone to make their CEOs sound less robotic. Salesforce must've been desperate to keep you around for so long. Did they mistake your constant job title changes for actual career growth?
And don't get me started on your "accomplishments." Increasing Salesforce's 'Digital Skills' share of voice by 435%? Wow, you turned their whisper into a slightly louder whisper. Congratulations!
Oh, and founding your own LLC? How brave of you to join the ranks of every other unemployed "consultant" out there. I'm sure "purpose-driven narratives" are in high demand among companies who can't afford real PR firms.
Lastly, zero followers? I guess all that "integrated content marketing" expertise doesn't apply to your own profile. Maybe you should certify in "How to Make People Care About Your LinkedIn" next.
In conclusion, Katie, your LinkedIn profile is a masterclass in how to say absolutely nothing of substance in the most long-winded way possible. But hey, at least you're consistent – in both your career and your profile, you've managed to be simultaneously everywhere and nowhere at all.